It has been weeks since ive last seen you. Your face is blurry in my mind. I like it that way. I dont want that smile of yours to have a hold over me ever again. Will they, though? Have a hold over me ever again? Because after weeks ive finally realized that i am not the person i was before you ended our relationship. You left me crippled and broken and i decided that i wasnt going to be that person so i have changed. I am not the same person anymore.

I have had the best last few days in a very long time. Ive been laughing and enjoying life more than i ever did when we were together or even before that. Im a different person. I have a different outlook on life and love and friendship and i react to stimuli differently and I approach things in a way that I did not before. Not to say I wasnt happy with you, i know i was. But it was a different happy. 

I am enjoying life on my own terms. I am not allowing thoughts of you to completely ruin my demeanor and emotions. I believe that we do not have any control of the situations we are put in throughout our lives. I believe that things happen and things change and that is something we cannot control. What we can control, however is how we feel and react to these bumps and changes. I am taking control of my emotional well being and making sure i heal in the best way possible.

I still miss you at times. The old you, of course. I dont really know who you are now. Im sure youve changed. I mean you changed 12 hours after you told me you loved me. Or maybe it didnt. I dont know. I dont know where you are or who you are or what you do for fun or who your friends are. And im okay with that. I am finally okay with that.

This new me isnt as soft and frail as she was before. Shes stronger and can hold herself better than before. She wont allow herself to be riled up by people who have hurt and abused her. She will not let herself be tortured by “what ifs” and “what could have been.” I will change significantly more over the next few months. So thank you for breaking me. Thank you for letting me go. Because this new version of me is better than before. And you will never have her.