30 November 11

I wish you gonna read what i have written here on this new month on 1am. I cant really get myself to sleep. I always think of everything about you, what you have said to me today, yesterday and the days which has passed. As each day passes by, i just feel like i'm unappreciated. You have never get involve in any topic with what i talk to you. We seldom talk, text and meet each other. You have never wanted to listen to what i have to say. Living each day with full of heart pains and fake smiles is so not me. I have never keep whats inside me before until i met you. Cus whenever I'm trying hard not to have a tiff with you whenever i tried having heart to heart talk with you, you gonna think differently, get mad at me just like that and whenever i say something about you, you take it lightly or i often feels that you don't have the energy to entertain me. After this 13 months, everything about us is dying slowly. You don't know how much i miss how we used to be, worse still, i miss the old you. I just dont know how to let out this feelings to you when everytime i tried to do that you will start to be grumpy. I dont know what went wrong. I tried my best to be the best that i could for you but as each day passes by, i realize that everything about you and us is dying slowly. Its true when theres a saying to "no matter how much you love that someone , you still have to let them go" and whats hurts the most is when this saying is kinda true "its better to let go when holding on is much painful than letting go" i know today afternoon im meeting you up and hopefully this time round it works for me to talk things out, pour my feelings out. Say what i wanna say all this while. I have never bottle up this feeling this much. And what if one day i can't stand everything that i'm facing and on the urge of making foolish decision and still my heart isnt ready for any situation? Like facing the feeling at rock bottom. And falling so hard cus the hole you held for so long gets deeper. Alright. I think this is it. Im gonna empty my mind and have a giod sleep cus tomorrow for sure im gonna use a lot of energy. Live each day with full of happiness. May god bless you all. (: